


Equine Eros Error

by lionessvalenti



Category: Agents of Cracked
Genre: F/M, Season/Series 02, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-14
Updated: 2013-02-14
Packaged: 2017-11-29 05:38:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/683454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionessvalenti/pseuds/lionessvalenti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan tries to make plans with Mandy, while Michael gives Dan a Valentine's Day surprise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Equine Eros Error

Valentine's Day had never been kind to Daniel. Despite his most earnest attempts, he had a whole list of memories that could have tarnished the day for him.

There was the third grade, when all the students were required to give _everyone_ in their class a Valentine. Dan, under that rule, received Valentines, of course, but a week later he was distressed to find that all the girls had returned the Valentines he'd given them by slipping them under his desk.

In his sophomore year of high school, he wrote a six page poem for the girl he liked. He was aware that she was out of his league, and he didn't actually expect a response. What he also didn't expect was for her to perform a dramatic reading of it in the cafeteria the next day, while all her friends laughed.

There were other stories, other years of being single and watching _Love, Actually_ , even though it's a Christmas movie, alone in his dorm room or holed up in his apartment. None of this, however, stopped Dan from believing in the power of love. There had to be magic in the holiday, or why else (besides consumerism) would it exist?

This was the year things were going to be different. This year, Daniel O'Brien had a girlfriend.

"I've been thinking a lot about Valentine's Day," Daniel said, leaning on the wall of Mandy's cubicle, his mug in his hand, resting against the top of the wall. She didn't look up from whatever she was doing on her computer, but he didn't expect anything less. "It's tomorrow and we could have dinner someplace nice. Somewhere romantic. Then we can go somewhere... else."

"What?" Mandy looked up. "Were you saying something?"

"Valentine's Day," Dan repeated. He scratched the back of his neck. "We should do something for Valentine's Day? There's that gods of love exhibit at the art museum. It could be good."

Her brow furrowed as she stared at him like she'd never actually seen him before. "Why would we do that?"

"Because we're dating."

"Dating, right, yeah, I forgot." Mandy narrowed her eyes, like she was maybe trying to place his name. "I can't. I don't believe in Valentine's Day. It's... against... my religion?"

Dan blinked. "You have a box of conversation hearts on your desk," he said, pointing at them. They were right there, in plain sight. She didn't even move to cover them up.

"It was a gift," Mandy replied. She shrugged. "It's just candy."

"Oh, so if I brought you candy, that would be okay?"

She considered him for almost a full minute, and even though she was looking right at him, Dan wasn't certain if she remembered if they were having a conversation or not. "Sure," she said finally. "I'm allergic to peanuts."

"Peanuts, check," Dan replied dryly. He wasn't stupid. He knew things were unbalanced, to say the least, with Mandy, but this was _Mandy_. He hadn't liked her for months for nothing. She'd agreed to date him, so she must not hate him completely. He just had to continue to win her over. "Maybe we could have lunch together? Today, not for Valentine's."

Mandy turned back to her computer. "Shouldn't you be going back to work? Over there?"

"Right, of course." Dan shifted his coffee mug to his other hand and walked away.

*

After lunch, Daniel made his way through the office and stopped dead in his tracks. There was a large, heart-shaped hatbox sitting on his desk. He looked around to see if anyone might have seen who had left it there, but there was no one in sight, most of them still out to lunch. Was it from Mandy? Had she just been fucking with him before? And for the last year?

With an extra spring in his step, Dan approached his desk and didn't waste any time, flipping the lid off the top of the box. He pulled back the pink tissue paper and then stumbled backwards. "What the _fuck_!"

He managed to stay on his feet by grabbing onto a nearby chair. His pulse pounding hard in his throat, Dan went back to the box just to make sure that he'd seen correctly, and -- oh god, yes. That was a heart. A real, once beating heart. There was even blood splattered on the paper it was so tenderly nestled in. It was big, larger than the life-sized, plastic model of the human heart he'd built in the sixth grade. Was it animal? Did that make it better?

"What the hell?"

"Happy Valentine's Day!" Dan started as Michael popped up from behind the cubicle wall with his arms in the air. "Were you surprised?"

"That was from you?" Dan asked. Michael hadn't been around all day, but that was to be expected. It was just now one-thirty, so it was practically on time in Michael-terms. "Of course it was. Who else would do that? Michael, why would you give me this?"

Michael dropped his arms. "Because it's Valentine's Day? Why else would anybody give anyone a heart? Those things don't come easy."

"Tomorrow's Valentine's Day."

"Close enough," Michael said, waving Dan off. He walked around the cubicle and grinned. "So do you like it?"

Dan peered in the box again. It was still there. "It's... is it human?"

"Of course not! Have you ever _seen_ a human heart? That's way too big." Michael flopped into Dan's desk chair and put his feet up on the desk. "I know how much you love horses, so this is like it's from horses, to show you how much they love you, too. They gave you their heart."

"That's from a _horse_?" Dan's jaw dropped, and he took a step backward, though he couldn't be certain if he was recoiling from the box or from Michael. "Did you kill the horse?"

"Well, duh. How else do you get a horse heart?"

"Where's the _rest_ of it?"

Michael smiled and shook his head, dropping his feet to the floor. "That would ruin the surprise. By the way, I borrowed the keys to your apartment. And your car. The smell should go away in a few days, but you're going to want to do something about the blood pretty soon or those stains will set."

Dan didn't move, his shoulders tense and his hands in fists at his sides. Part of him felt like he should have seen something like this coming, but if he'd thought about it, he probably would have just assumed that Michael didn't know about any upcoming holidays. Most of the time, he figured Michael didn't even know what month it was.

"Are the blood stains in the car or the apartment?" he asked, his voice feeling detached from the rest of his body. This felt, sadly, normal.

"Mmmm, yeah, both," Michael replied. he got to his feet and slung and arm around Dan's neck. "I can't wait to see what you got for me, buddy. I don't handle rejection well." He untangled himself from Dan and went on his way.

Dan just stood there. He had a horse heart on his desk, and most likely, the rest of a dead horse in his apartment, a murder scene of a car, and he now had to get Michael something for, of all holidays, Valentine's Day. He peered into the box. One problem at a time. "What the hell am I supposed to do with this?"


End file.
